All the reasons why I'm not on Tinder

Hi sweethearts,

In today’s post, I’ll share with you my thoughts on Tinder. I’ve been single for over 2 years now and all my friends and family are trying to convince me to go on Tinder… I want to explain them and you guys my opinion about it tell you all what I really think about Tinder.

As you guys know, I do like to use this blog to share my thoughts with you too (yes, not only hair-inspo here) so this might be a good subject to talk about, because to me it’s not about the app itself, it’s about love.

It’s for me important to be transparent so I share all my honest thoughts here, as how I’d share them with my friends. Plus, now I only have to explain myself once. Once and for all!

Message to my friends here, read this blog and never ask me again about the Tinder thing haha!

So let’s get on to talking about Tinder! I have a lot of reasons why I’m not on Tinder and why I’ll probably never be going on Tinder. I don’t want to judge people who are, because I know that it actually works. I know so many couples who love each other deeply and gave met each other on Tinder. Tinder is just not something I believe in. Read along to find out all the reasons I have for this!

My number one rule is about superficiality: Tinder is about the face and bio of a person. You judge a person based on a look and the things they want to share about themselves.

I would love to meet someone who would like to share things about himself that’s not filtered. I mean; getting to know the things that you actually don’t want to share. Let’s say, the ugly parts of our personality. For me it’s important to work on yourself, and so know the ugly parts of your personality as well. I want to know if you’re working on yourself or not.

The second reason about superficiality is the following: for me, friendship has to grow, I can’t tell by a picture if I like someone’s personality or not. I want to decide if I like someone or not, after a while not just in a second. I often judge people so fast and then when I get to know them more, I learned that I was completely wrong about this person. Or: I judged too fast without knowing why someone was acting the way he was. SO I don’t think that Tinder will help me by trying not to judge people any longer… “You can’t judge a book by its cover”, right?

Also why I think that Tinder is superficial is that it’s based on likes. I just don’t care about what people think of my face so I don’t want to know how much likes I’m getting for the way my face looks. I want people to care about my personality and life. I did put a lot of effort in working on myself, with Tinder, this just seems useless, doesn’t it? And then, it’s also an app, so it’s based on algorithms and money. SO are these amounts of likes even real?

My next reason is about love. I don’t believe in eternal love so I think this might be a controversial subject to talk about with someone on tinder. It’s just too awkward to tell someone like: “Hey, I’m on Tinder, let’s get together but not …forever”. I do want to meet someone that I can get together with for a long time. But not just forever. I don’t think that I’m even able to love someone forever. Everything eventually will end or change. So how am I supposed to talk about this to someone on Tinder, a dating app, without sounding like I only want one night stands…

Then the following reason is a short one: I don’t have time. Haha whoops, no, seriously, I just don’t have much spare time with my crazy busy life. Plus, If I even do find the time to date, the other person needs to know that I am not able to meet up with a someone over 3 times a week. SO if we’re dating, just know, as a guy, that you won’t see me often. Also, I do need a lot of me time too. So sometimes, I’m not actually busy, but I don’t need any human contact… Which might also be hard to understand to someone.

Then the next reason, a very personal one of me.

I want to meet someone in real life first, to grow a bond and friendship and then let it grow. On tinder people are there to look for relationships but I don’t think that I’d be actually looking for a relationship. I’ll see later on if this person is a potential partner for me, or not. But are people on tinder really looking for someone to date on a very long term? As in only dating and not actually being together? I’m also fully happy without partner right now and I don’t really need someone in my life. If someone suddenly crosses my path, that’s great. If not, then that's fine too. I know a lot of people who are on Tinder because they don’t want to be alone. I’m fine alone… I’m not afraid of being alone.

Now I want to point out another reason I have about "why I’m not on Tinder". This one’s about my personality. I’m just too complicated and I have a lot of passions and opinions about stuff. I’m not sure if there would actually be another person out there that might know how to deal with everything. This really scares me. I know a lot of reasons why previous relationships went completely wrong and I did work on these reasons a lot. I did work on myself, to be a better person and to not make the same mistakes I made, ever again. But it scares me if this work isn’t enough. I am completely not where I want to be in my life and I do see a lot of things in my personality that I still need to work in. It terrifies me sometimes, knowing that this hard work wasn’t enough. Maybe, the next person in my life will also think after a while that there still are sides of me that aren’t perfect yet and maybe this will also lead to another break up. But the good thing about this, is that I finally know all the aspects of myself that I want to work on. I used to completely ignore them because I was afraid of facing them. And this made my last break up so hard. I was totally agreeing with why the boy didn’t want to be with my any longer but I didn’t want to took at myself that deeply. Working on this was really intense and hard. I really felt so bad for every little thing I did wrong in my life and I started to hate myself even more. But then, after a while, I took the guts to finally face these aspects of myself and started working on every single thing I did not like about myself.

Then onto the next reason. Another scary one: I don’t want to get disappointed afterwards. As in: you get to know each other a bit more and after like half a year you really know this person well… and then you decide that this person is not a great match for you. I do have enough perfect friends so what am I supposed to do with this guy then? Was he then worth all my time and effort? And probably money. My time and money are very dear to me. Time especially, since I have a crazy hectic life. And money: because I do travel a lot which makes that I don’t have tons of money. But traveling is just way more important to me than having fancy jewellery, cars, houses,…

My last reason is that I don’t have enough motivation and power inside me to take the effort to share my entire life again with someone right now. With my ex it took me years and years before he finally knew every part of me. This process is a process of growing and I feel like it’s depressing how long it can take. I just do not want to talk about my life over and over again… and let someone else learn everything about me once again. The thought of this already tires me completely, sorry haha!

So these were all the reasons why I’m not on tinder, so please, never ask again why I don’t use Tinder! =)

X Steph